心向快乐第一季

This is fucking good😭😭😭第四集之前：I fucking love Mae Martin yet this drama is a little bit normal第四集之后：Fucking awesome plot😭😭😭Mae Martin is super genius😭😭😭

I feel like I'm full of birds.

典型的英式喜剧，好多那种冷笑话哈哈哈哈哈，而且除去主角之外人物有为剧情发展和气氛需要脸谱化的嫌疑。George真的很美美得像戴安娜王妃。Mae Martin…我发现我只是喜欢小奶狗而已性别什么的无所谓，所以我原来是无性恋吗（误）看到做爱部分会感觉都是女孩子的话会让我容易习惯很多很多…可能也是对lesbian群体本身不了解不过我不想管那么多

剧本真的很好很好。感觉能体会到日常人与人之间交往的那种真诚与温暖感觉。情感很细腻，但感觉铺陈有时候不到位，也可能我本人不够敏感。剧里的话还是美化过的现实…首先addict被编进去本身就是对taking drugs的一种美化…cant help doing something while knowing that it will bring some negative consequences hhhh但是很多琐碎的碎片化现实又fucking real and fucking touching，Mae和George最后对话还有以前其他的对话里面那些词不达意欲言又止还有反复的sorry, I just... 都好London好生活…我们都一样啊。

You are being loved. 那里真的眼眶湿润了。not an island... 人与人之间的联系真的是拯救一个人的根本吗。

md这部里面的感情真的都好他妈流畅啊。

就是在考试周看然后看第一集的时候：这能拍六集？看完第六集的时候：怎么只有六集该不会我还要等第二季吧。看到还有第二季的时候：希望我能先紧着复习😭

差点忘了夸导演！色调真的超级超级棒啊，好多镜头都很漂亮，镜头下的人也无比好看。调色和色彩搭配都太好了…视角也很棒。

看看这个镜头多绝美！

最近的下饭剧从压抑的纪录片换成了《feel good》（不要被《心向快乐》这个傻白甜译名骗了），

大概25分钟一集的时长正好吃个饭能看完。

看第一集尤为畅快欢乐，

女主叫Mae，是个T，在酒吧说单口喜剧（脱口秀）。

女二George坐在台下get到了她的每一个笑点，然后主动在表演结束后去找了Mae。

喝酒的时候两个人还玩起了常见的喝酒游戏：

一方提问另一方回答，撒谎或者回答慢了就要喝酒，喝完提问角色互换。（我跟朋友玩的时候规则是这样的剧集里应该也差不多）

Mae开始提问，

-“你几岁？”

-“when did you lose your virginity?”

-“你最喜欢的电影是什么？”

然后轮到了George，

-“你来英国多久了？”

-“披头士里你最喜欢谁？”

-“Are we on a date?”

——我们在约会吗？

气氛开始诡异起来。

Mae开始结巴，

幸好她朋友走过来说了一番话，临走前说，

“enjoy your date.”

Mae顺着话说，“他说我们算在约会那就应该是吧。”

George说，“我以前从来没有和女孩子约过会。”

Mae问，“那你和女孩子接吻过吗？”

George说，“当然。”

气氛彻底变得暧昧，以尴尬的形式表现出来，

两个人都低头喝了一口酒。

在Mae抬头继续提问“你喜欢电影吗？”的时候

George的一句“你想吻我吗？”打断了掩饰两人心绪的游戏。

然后她们接吻了，Mae大脑中的盲音响起，

背景里酒吧的条状霓虹灯宛如电压不稳忽暗忽明。

看的时候我心里的想法是

这不是典型的crush吗？完全可以投稿到“我今天遇到了一个crush”小组的程度。

然而这只是第一集，

甚至在第一集还没结束的时候问题就展露出了残酷的冰山一角。

接下来陆陆续续涉及到LGBT/addict/原生家庭各种细碎不足为外人道的烦扰：

George作为侄女不想向朋友公开她和Mae的关系，

Mae做为addict（自称已经戒了）却偷偷藏了止痛药，

还有Mae十多年被赶出家门和表面看上去和谐无比的原生家庭倒刺般扎在心里的问题。

大家都爱看crush，热烈甜美如烈火烹油，

初遇时候对方展露出来的闪闪发光之处令人着迷，

而关系变成恋爱之后总有各种各样的烦恼，

更不要说组成家庭、养育子女等后续缠缠绵绵无绝期的鸡毛蒜皮了。

剧集也不会只有第一集前半部分光鲜漂亮的热恋环节，

毕竟是改编Mae的现实经历拍出来的，

重点完全放到了烦恼和解决烦恼上。

正如《亲爱的小孩》被批恐婚恐育，

而最令人恐惧的地方是这就是真实故事改编的，

这就是所有被社会教导毫不知情地轻易踏上婚姻这一条暗藏荆棘之路的女生被一带而过的那部分。

虽然每个人都在经历自己现实的烦扰，

喜欢看crush这种拥有完美甜味的故事也情有可原，

但正因为如此，这些聚焦现实的剧集才值得一看。

毕竟我们说到底还活在现实里，

我想或多或少心思细腻的人都会对此产生一丝共鸣。

我是T。我想被女孩推倒。我曾对亲密关系关系成瘾。我沉迷于女孩们的暗面。

注视着Mae Martin的时候，我感到被看见。

我的初恋来自离异家庭。我15岁的crush有抑郁症。我的前任同时有躁郁症和人格分裂症。我从未刻意因一个人的过去而选择她们，但somehow，they turned out that way.也许因为那种人格的张力不必隐藏也会隐约浮现吧。也许是因为我天生喜欢戏剧性，喜欢刺激。

And all didn’t end well.

情绪是会传染的。在高二的时候我曾经那么厌恶自己。一边大哭一边猛抽着雾化咖啡因的时候，在大雨里奔跑的时候，觉得自己空虚，孤独，一无是处。虽然我没有真的产生substance addiction，但那段为了控制睡眠而交替大剂量服用褪黑素和咖啡因的日子，现在想起来还觉得后怕。

...还有对亲密关系的焦虑。只要觉得无聊就会想找对方。只要对方不回就会觉得生命被抽干，觉得自己是一无是处的垃圾。会不安，会百爪挠心。

我在初三毕业的暑假打电话给我的心理老师，告诉她我爱上了一个抑郁症的女孩，我想帮她，我想和她做爱。老师要我保证我们会在“能闻得到阳光的地方”发生关系，然后告诉我，我救不了任何人，我做不了任何人的英雄。

如果受不了，我必须走。我必须先爱自己。

《心向快乐》回应了非常非常多有关LGBT社群生活的亚主题：挣扎的自我认同、痛苦的过去、“出柜”对伴侣关系造成的张力，甚至当George眉飞色舞地描述自己对某位理想型男性的痴迷时，Mae的感受对我来说都熟悉得令人痛苦。

但最关键的是，Mae同时存在于剧内剧外。她同时也是自己的故事有意识的讲述者。她完全接受了自己的过去，并且知道分享它能为他人带来怎样的理解和慰藉。这非常了不起。

我感到被看见，被回应。我感到并不孤独，而这点给了我信心。

所以....谢谢这部剧的存在。谢谢Mae和我们讲述她的故事。

深夜刷完了6集，希望有第二季，分别表达一下我对两个主角的看法（如标题）

George

George的主要性格特点是不轻易表露自己的心迹，比较内向的一个人。这一点也导致她在身份认同上不是那么快。这个女主的直女变弯心路历程很真实，她因为爱而成长，主要有两个转折点，第一个是摔伤后让朋友call corn（也是全剧最甜的点哈哈）然后在医院里表露心迹，其实前面也有伏笔就是她参加完婚礼回家想象着对mae说 love you，marry with her。而在喝多受伤进医院打了吗啡之后，则第一次表达出了自己的想法，对于一个直女了那么多年的人来说真的很不容易。第二个转折点我认为是在教室对着喊别人基佬的女生大声呵斥并冲到校长办公室说应该教学生lgbt相关知识，此时她已经逐步认同自己喜欢女生所以才会注意到基佬这个词对gay来说有多么冒犯（这在以前在她潜意识里大约是不会引起强烈反感的现象），她在学着认同自己也在找寻什么是真正的朋友，开始学着表达走出自己的舒适区，六集下来George有很大的成长，她试着去体贴mae，甚至最后坦诚说要一起承担包袱（当然开始出现单方面的包容，这会让对方愈发觉得自己是一个victim，这是一个隐患，如果有第二季这样的心态会出问题）

Mae

有两条线，一条和父母的，一条和女友。两条线都体现了mae是一个内心脆弱敏感不肯承担责任且总是以受害者自居的人。

首先是父母线，中间有一段是父亲对mae说在把mae赶出家门后，母亲天天跟着看mae，我看到这个觉得可能是一个母女缓和的关键点，但似乎mae一直一直介意自己被抛弃，依旧没有安全感，道歉也只是为了获得对方的关注与爱，并不是发自内心的真诚，正如她开头说：这是第十二条中的第九步。偏偏母亲是个倔强的人，对方越是强调自己的受害者身份，mae妈越是倔，于是在父母线上的和解尝试是非常失败的。不过最后一集mae哭着说想回家时，母亲还是心软了，毕竟是亲妈，但这其实不是真正意义上的和解。但不可否认的是，没有人是天生的瘾君子，小时候到底发生了什么导致mae会这样未可知。但25岁的成年人真的不要一直强调说对方的抛弃，如果真的不要了怎么可能随时同意和你打视频电话（狗头）。

女友线，看了有点生气，在一起这段感情中很明显George其实有更多的付出，mae一直都没想过要改变自己重塑自己，让自己忙起来独立起来，一开始的粘人和急着寻求对方在朋友面前介绍自己以获得安全感并一次次以爱之名半胁迫，完全不顾对方也只是一个刚被掰弯自己心理建设都没有做全的自己的爱人，后来身份被承认之后又被迫害妄想症觉得对方理想的是男生并自己逼迫自己往那边靠拢，却始终不敢坦诚地与对方就这一方面进行交流，可能一开始看了会觉得mae很可怜，焦虑得睡不着觉，自卑不自信，但自信是自己给的，交了那么多女朋友首先要对自己有身份认同，我是女生我喜欢女生，对方喜欢我是我这个人不管男女，不是因为男性特质也不是因为女性特质，自己就是自己。然后就去爱对方，如果对方最后真的选择男性了，那就是对方的问题，而我（mae）有真诚地去爱你，展露真实的自我，那你不喜欢我我难过但也没办法，恋爱中忌讳的就是很多过度的焦虑破坏了爱情本身的美好，然后分手后又陷入自卑之中无法自拔。恶性循环。和男性相比之后的自卑其实在很多t的心里都会有，但请相信如果你的爱人是真的爱你，你不要被这个所桎梏，你就是真诚地去照顾对方表达自己的爱，这样才是一个良性循环。而且在剧中很明显的一点是，mae因为自己的自卑其实把对方也带入了消极，正如最后George把这形容为包袱就可以体现。自己的自卑自己无法处理还要对方的包容理解来哄着你，自己被分手消极还和别人make love。真的幼稚！

爱得真诚坦荡，不要伤害自己深爱的人。

Feel Good is a low budget 6-episode TV show which mysteriously skipped my attention when it was first brought up by a friend: probably because it features no big star (Lisa is one, but in a small role), and British TV shows like Fleabag and Killing Eve have raised the bar very high now.

However, one night, I started to watch the first episode and was very impressed. The not so sub plot of addiction is so well-written. I really like it when Mae (its main character shares the same name with the writer and lead actor, which is a bit confusing) expands the definition of ‘addiction’: ‘it’s all the same feelings, craving, and withdrawl, and relief, and obsession. We are just swapping one addiction for another’. By doing that, Mae Martin (I will use the full name when referring to the creator) connects the love story and Mae’s struggle to stay clean together. Mae Martin challenges the audience to view addiction as not only a struggle among a group of people, but something many of us face when being in a toxic relationship with partners, or, say, social media. By then, I am convinced Feel Good is quite good because the creators know ‘nuances’. Its focus on addiction also reminds me of Killing Eve S2, the key word for its 2nd season is ‘obsession’. While both handle compulsive/toxic feelings between people/people and object, Killing Eve’s take on obsession is disappointing, Feel Good, on the other hand, only gets better episode by episode.

Story aside, I am mesmerized by how the show introduces the love story to the audience. It is fast-paced. As Guardian remarks, ‘Feel Good moves so quickly and lightly that it seems impossible it could also be managing to construct characters and burrow into psyches as deeply and empathically as it does.’ You never need to fast-forward; it’s densely-packed but you won’t feel stressful; the plots mingle effortlessly. It takes 30 seconds for Mae and George to fall in love with each other. I love how unconventional and unapologetic it is. I love how an LGBTQIA (bless Joyce) story focus on how the two lovers enjoy their relationship (at least for the most part) without giving too much attention to how they are unsure if the other is into them, or suffering from loneliness because they can’t find a partner. Of course the loneliness issue exists and there is suffering, but there are many representations of those already. Feel Good shows how the relationship can be the start, rather than the ending, of a story.

I also like how the struggles of Mae and George are more about themselves making choices than them being in disagreement with a suffocating society. It is refreshing to see not only Mae’s parents, but George’s mother, support their sexuality. Mae’s gig pals don’t make a fuss about her having a girlfriend. The roommate Phil is an angel. The lead of the support group is a gay man; Lava is loved by her mother regardless of her sexuality. While Binky’s husband and his friends are ‘piece of shit’, I don’t see them as homophobic (I could be wrong though). The show demonstrates that everyone can and should be nice to LGBT+ community. I like how Feel Good doesn’t use societal approval as a trope; instead, it allows us to see Mae and George as individuals who make their own decisions. Yes, sexuality is and will be important in their lives, but they don’t let it to devour them, they can still breathe.

The relationship is beautifully written and wonderfully performed. I mean THE CHEMISTRY!! Yes there is sex. As Mae Martin said, she didn’t want the lesbian sex to be voyeuristic. I congratulate her in doing a fantastic job!! Feel Good has amazing sex scenes: they are romantic, witty, hilarious, and honest. The director and writers make sure the sex scenes are not about sex/lust only, they are also about female pleasure. Mae and George communicate and share their sexual preferences; they don’t force their fetish on the other, instead, they ask politely. The show doesn’t mystify lesbian sex: even lesbians can’t cum and that’s ok! Feel Good has achieved what Sex Education has done: it has educated people (older than high schoolers) how to have sex, and more importantly, how to discern when the relationship is going south.

There are nudity scenes and they are (quite literally) serving the plot: it is when Mae feels most vulnerable physically. The paradox of the physicality and the personality is, however, not restricted to gay people. Mae is struggling because she believes however hard she tries, she can never have George in the long haul because George is ‘culturally straight’. George, however, insists this idea is just in Mae’s head. (Or is it?) It becomes apparent that the couple is not on the same page on many things. Mae is shy but she wants public validation of their relationship: she wants to be blessed by George’s family and friends. George is popular (win the lottery) but she is ultra private when it comes to Mae. She points out her friends just want to crack a joke and emotions (mind, not sexuality), for them, is gross. Eventually, George will have to face her own real emotions. There is a moment where Mae questions why George never like/retweet her social media stuffs. As Fleabag says ‘Hair is everything’, the (non)usage of social media, I argue, is (almost) everything. This again shows the discrepancy between the couple – which, of course, is normal; in every relationship/friendship, such disagreements happen and that’s what makes this show so relatable.

It is interesting to note that the dynamic between the two flows all the time. I find myself on the side of Mae and then I am on George’s side! For example, the first episode shows Mae concealing her addiction history from George, which is a bit dishonest; but George also makes Mae think she’s already mentioned her to her friends while actually she’s dating some Crenshaw dude. I find it especially interesting that while George is portrayed as a cold person (she leaves Mae alone in a party; she’s rather cold towards Phil etc etc), Mae can also be quite aloof – check what she does to Lava. When she says let’s not share this with Maggie, it is as if George were saying let’s not tell my friends now.

Talking about George and her friends, I really like how the show does about their friendship. It shows that those friendships, even though ‘long haul’, are not necessarily genuine. Indeed, things can be tricky, if not scary, when friends finally choose to be honest with each other, right?

Binky’s husband and friends are hilarious characters, but the show makes sure not all the male characters are caricatured. I like Phil a lot; he’s giving me the neighbor who ended up marrying Hannah’s boyfriend’s sister in Girls, especially when he’s mentioning all the baby stuffs. Mae’s dad is a charming character; but I am not sure if he’s a good dad. His ‘Oh I need to check the garden’ is a specimen of dad type, who leaves all the dirty job of communicating with kids to mums. The show also inserts in a MeToo story plot where things turn sour quickly. In all, the portrayals of male characters are multifaceted. Well done.

Last but not the least: small roles. Does the show even have small roles? Because everyone shines. Even the shop assistant of that sex shop: the scene is so funny and captivating. Lisa Kudrow is funny but in a cold way – which is really nice. I am not crazy about her first appearance in the laptop; seeing her appear in Blackpool is a real surprise for me (and Mae). I love the scene in Ghost Train the most. Arguing in a horror house/moving train, with all the noise and terrifying man-makes while discussing ‘real emotions’, which is the most terrifying of all – what a genius idea!! The fact that the show keeps vague about why Mae is cast out of the family is an interesting one; I quite like how her mother points out her privilege and that she has everything she wants when she grows up. Again, the show is looking at the mysterious and intricate human mind that is not so easily explainable. Apart from that, I don’t think there are a lot of TV shows that discuss ‘privilege’. Kudos to the writers for highlighting this aspect.

The photography is really pretty. It, like TEOTFW, has a consistent tone, which is even reflected when Mae and George are in bed. Note the beautiful blue shadow. The music is nice. The costume looks comfy and lovely (never let the costume steal the show– I’m talking to you, Killing Eve). My favorite, as I said earlier is the pace of narration. Mae has run a lot and it is a signature of Feel Good, like Fleabag’s looking at the camera.

Feel Good is about a female stand-up comedian. In the States, there is The Marvelous Mrs Maisel. Both Mae and Midge suffer from a backfire from they using real-life stories with their partner (judging from S1 finale, haven’t watched S2 yet). It is interesting to think how personal the stand-up mateials can be, but having just watched Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette, I am reminding myself that in order to make things funny, the ‘truth’ can be compromised. While Nanette is almost metafictional when Hannah approaches/disconstructs what makes comedy, I don’t think that is the angle Feel Good is heading towards. However, it is still fit to think about the show amongst the powerful works by Mae Martin’s fellow female comedians. The freshness of the show also reminds me of Girls (with its minute depictions of modern female life) and Fleabag (with its candidacy about real emotions). Feel Good deserves more recognition and PLEASE CAN WE HAVE SEASON 2 THANK YOU NETFLIX!!

最近的下饭剧从压抑的纪录片换成了《feel good》（不要被《心向快乐》这个傻白甜译名骗了），

大概25分钟一集的时长正好吃个饭能看完。

看第一集尤为畅快欢乐，

女主叫Mae，是个T，在酒吧说单口喜剧（脱口秀）。

女二George坐在台下get到了她的每一个笑点，然后主动在表演结束后去找了Mae。

喝酒的时候两个人还玩起了常见的喝酒游戏：

一方提问另一方回答，撒谎或者回答慢了就要喝酒，喝完提问角色互换。（我跟朋友玩的时候规则是这样的剧集里应该也差不多）

Mae开始提问，

-“你几岁？”

-“when did you lose your virginity?”

-“你最喜欢的电影是什么？”

然后轮到了George，

-“你来英国多久了？”

-“披头士里你最喜欢谁？”

-“Are we on a date?”

——我们在约会吗？

气氛开始诡异起来。

Mae开始结巴，

幸好她朋友走过来说了一番话，临走前说，

“enjoy your date.”

Mae顺着话说，“他说我们算在约会那就应该是吧。”

George说，“我以前从来没有和女孩子约过会。”

Mae问，“那你和女孩子接吻过吗？”

George说，“当然。”

气氛彻底变得暧昧，以尴尬的形式表现出来，

两个人都低头喝了一口酒。

在Mae抬头继续提问“你喜欢电影吗？”的时候

George的一句“你想吻我吗？”打断了掩饰两人心绪的游戏。

然后她们接吻了，Mae大脑中的盲音响起，

背景里酒吧的条状霓虹灯宛如电压不稳忽暗忽明。

看的时候我心里的想法是

这不是典型的crush吗？完全可以投稿到“我今天遇到了一个crush”小组的程度。

然而这只是第一集，

甚至在第一集还没结束的时候问题就展露出了残酷的冰山一角。

接下来陆陆续续涉及到LGBT/addict/原生家庭各种细碎不足为外人道的烦扰：

George作为侄女不想向朋友公开她和Mae的关系，

Mae做为addict（自称已经戒了）却偷偷藏了止痛药，

还有Mae十多年被赶出家门和表面看上去和谐无比的原生家庭倒刺般扎在心里的问题。

大家都爱看crush，热烈甜美如烈火烹油，

初遇时候对方展露出来的闪闪发光之处令人着迷，

而关系变成恋爱之后总有各种各样的烦恼，

更不要说组成家庭、养育子女等后续缠缠绵绵无绝期的鸡毛蒜皮了。

剧集也不会只有第一集前半部分光鲜漂亮的热恋环节，

毕竟是改编Mae的现实经历拍出来的，

重点完全放到了烦恼和解决烦恼上。

正如《亲爱的小孩》被批恐婚恐育，

而最令人恐惧的地方是这就是真实故事改编的，

这就是所有被社会教导毫不知情地轻易踏上婚姻这一条暗藏荆棘之路的女生被一带而过的那部分。

虽然每个人都在经历自己现实的烦扰，

喜欢看crush这种拥有完美甜味的故事也情有可原，

但正因为如此，这些聚焦现实的剧集才值得一看。

毕竟我们说到底还活在现实里，

我想或多或少心思细腻的人都会对此产生一丝共鸣。