打开心世界

I imagined continuing to write in this ledger, as if this were life, as though life were not elsewhere.

夏天即将结束的时候，阿比盖尔这样写道。

此言一出，当时心里一阵凉，好在这并不是电影的最终句点。在自然环境和时代观念双重局限下，有情人并无太多出路，但能够用一整本账簿（多用于记载农场作物营收）记下一段感情，无论结局如何，都有弥足珍贵的价值。从这个意义讲，阿比盖尔的日记与《女孩肖像》的女子堕胎画具有相似的记录价值，男权历史叙事中被遗失的独立女性形象跃然纸上，是记录，也是反抗和颠覆。

女版《断背山》之谈自去年威尼斯以来已经见诸中外影评版块了，这类评论会引起不满吗？起码发行商（到目前为止）头脑很清楚。但由断背山之谈可以想到的，或许是“同夫”形象在主流艺术电影界终于崭露头角。

过去观看《远离天堂》、《谁先爱上他的》，甚至《霸王别姬》，都对同妻形象难以忘怀，但同夫未曾多见，此番《打开心世界》可以说也打开了新视野，而同妻和同夫的不同作用、影响、意义也是个太值得深入的话题了。从本片的正反面同夫教材，到男同志片中多数极其正面的同妻形象，从本片精准刻画的男性脆弱到男同志片中较多见的同妻自主，某种程度上，似乎又可以上升到男女之别。就本片而言，两位男性角色提供了19世纪中叶“同夫面对妻子情感转变”的两个代表性形象，有作为男性的共通之处，也有作为个体的较大差异，为同夫银幕史注入了一定思路。此外，男性本身在恶劣生存环境中的脆弱性、需老婆照顾等桥段（感冒被照顾、暴风雪被帮忙“营救”）就令人眼前一亮，如果是男性写的日记难说有这种情节。

1856年左右发生的事情，欧迪亚《希斯特斯兄弟》讲述两兄弟在西部淘金差点被自然吞噬，互帮互助才保住性命；在发生于东部边疆的本片中，塔莉之死实际上也可归因于恶劣生存环境、落后医疗水平，但另外一重要因素是丈夫的重视程度。电影并未直接给出说明，但通过阿比盖尔与塔莉的交谈基本可以得知塔莉夫妇的感情濒于破碎边缘。试想一下，如果换作阿比盖尔照顾塔莉，会不会不同结局？不得而知，但塔莉就算活着，和性格暴戾的芬尼相处的日子肯定不会好过。在异性恋层面，阿比盖尔有退路（戴尔人还算可以吧……），塔莉无退路，也是造成这个故事让人止不住叹息的原因。

起初以为阿比盖尔是内向，后来想想则没那么简单。

一、内向？迟钝？“女创世者”

刚看完电影时隐约感觉到阿比盖尔的内向，但经过几天的沉淀后总觉得不完全是内向，直到看到原著小说中的“slow-hearted”才有些回过神来。

草丛依偎时，塔莉形容阿比盖尔像是栖息在农家庭院的麻雀，从未离开，但也从未（敢）接近。虽然阿比盖尔随后的回答向塔莉敞开了爱的怀抱，但依然改变不了这段感情前期颇为“单向”的事实：从来都是塔莉主动拜访她。

阿比盖尔最勇敢的尝试就是在天气恶劣的晚上，悄悄拿着望远镜偷看塔莉，不论有多么想念、担忧，她真的就像是麻雀一样安居一隅，等待塔莉拜访，只有当时间隔得太长、感觉不对时，才“走出第一步”，但从结果来看有些为时已晚了。

但阿比盖尔是内向吗？也不尽然。她在与塔莉的亲密关系中从羞怯到主动，从初见的含蓄到后来的专属微笑，从“被邀请才去”到最终的主动前往，无不体现着阿比盖尔的主观能动性。

回到电影中没有出现的“slow-hearted”，这个词在小说中出现在最后一段，也即电影最后阶段阿比盖尔的“I image”时刻，小说中这样写道：

“slow-hearted”不是一个正式单词，各大词典并无收录，查阅词源可知它来自圣经《路加福音》第二十四章、第二十五句（Luke 24: 25），版本诸多：

A! foolis, and ſlowe of herte for to bileue in alle þingis whiche þe prophetis han ſpoke. ——"Luke" in the Wycliffe version (first printing, c. 1384)

And he sayde vnto the: O foles and slowe of herte to beleve all yt the prophetes have spoken. ——"Luke" in the Tyndale version (1526)

Then he said to them: O foolish, and slow of heart to believe in all things which the prophets have spoken. ——"Luke" in the Douay–Rheims version (Challoner's revision, 1749–1952)

And he said unto them, O foolish men, and slow of heart to believe in all that the prophets have spoken! ——"Luke" in the American Standard version (1901)

And He said to them, "O inconsiderate and slow in heart to believe on all that the prophets spoke! ——"Luke" in the Literal Standard Version (2020)

路加福音和其他福音讲述的都是耶稣生平，学界认为路加福音的内容更详实。“slow-hearted”出现的第二十四章讲的是耶稣复活后，两个信徒在前往以马忤斯（耶稣死亡、复活之处，信徒听说耶稣在那儿死而复生便去寻找）的路上巧遇刚复活出来的耶稣，但这两个信徒没认出他来，于是耶稣对他们说：“无知的人哪．先知所说的一切话、你们的心、信得太迟钝了。”听着耶稣的讲解，后来这两位信徒心领神会，才认出他来，随后耶稣圆满升天。

“slow-hearted”（迟钝）的典故就出自于此，一定程度可以看作阿比盖尔遇上塔莉的对照。但电影最后的“I image”部分拿掉了这句“迟钝”自叹，转而是以最后一个画面对应了“迟钝”之说的宗教神学典故，用文艺复兴画家米开朗基罗《创造亚当》式构图（简中世界首先指出这一象征的应是@Pincent），想象了即将到来的新世界，塔莉是创世者，阿比盖尔则是被创造的人，这一创作手法赋予了电影较强的神性意味，也暗示了塔莉“死而复生”、阿比盖尔延续其神性意志的愿景。故事的开始，阿比盖尔因女儿的去世而不再去教堂做礼拜、不再信奉宗教概念上的“即将到来的更好世界”（the notion of a better world to come），但塔莉的出现让她重新看到了这样“更好世界终将到来”的可能。这一神性表达，在阿比盖尔对她俩（在树林中）“无数快活之后会不会播撒新生事物”的描述中似也有所指。

加入了这一层神学创世论后，可以想象阿比盖尔并不是“内向”那么简单，通篇的画外音（日记）作为其心理活动的内在展示，可以看到当爱到来的时候，她并不能立即厘清这一从未发生过的情绪涌动（化学反应），只有体会过后才能正视自己未被发掘的欲望。在塔莉到来之前，农场的劳动、对夭折女儿的思念和平淡的夫妻关系或许是阿比盖尔的终生归宿，但塔莉的出现拓宽了阿比盖尔的人生维度，塔莉的影响永远留在了阿比盖尔的身体和意识，重燃了她的生活信心：她也许会重拾缘起童年的智识学习、她的账簿将不再是账簿、她拥有了想象的能力……

Mona Fastvold

二、阿比盖尔知情时间差

电影和短篇小说最关键的一处区别，是阿比盖尔得知塔莉死讯的时间点。这一改编尤为体现创作者魄力和创造力。

小说中，在阿比盖尔收到塔莉的信后不久、阿比盖尔仍在脑海措辞回信时，戴尔收到了芬尼的信，告知塔莉死讯。这一男男通信行为很能体现芬尼的性格修养，他不可能不知道塔莉之死对于戴尔之无足轻重、对于阿比盖尔之晴空霹雳，但仍然选择把信写给戴尔。

也就是塔莉生前从未读到阿比盖尔的回信、阿比盖尔在前往质询芬尼之前就已知塔莉之死。

电影的处理是，阿比盖尔收到塔莉的信后，写完回信寄出，塔莉读到了阿比盖尔的回信，但首先是被芬尼“截获”并大声朗读，这不仅加深了夫妻隔阂，更深化了芬尼的阴暗面，可以想见其男性自尊大受挫败，前文所质疑的芬尼对塔莉病情的重视程度也来源于此。

之后，出于担忧（房屋内发现血迹），阿比盖尔看完地图二话不说上路了，行路过程配上塔莉来信内容画外音，表现阿比盖尔充满希望的迫切心境。在直面芬尼时得知塔莉死讯时甚至还存有一点不相信，但真正看到塔莉尸体后发出惨叫，这个处理太强大了，这声惨叫意蕴之深、张力之猛，电影看完到现在还心有余悸。更具智慧的是紧随其后的性爱场面安排，把它们集合到一起，在特殊时刻一次性放出，情感瞬间喷涌而出，回忆和现实的对比，冲击力震撼至极。当然，按照前文“神学创世论”，塔莉之死、复活都是通往新世界的必然之路，对于阿比盖尔来说，塔莉永远活在她心里，只是明白这一点需要一个适应的过程。

Mona Fastvold对sex scene了然于胸

这一改编强调了生死两隔的瞬间画面、情感张力，影像化角度可谓最高潮段落，与最后的平静结尾形成动态呼应，给这个悲伤故事画上了充满希望的句点。实际上最后镜头的处理，从戴尔到塔莉，或许就对应了阿比盖尔的心理转变。结尾的“账簿或许是我的终生归宿”，至此，也有了升华于字面之上的内涵。

三、结构、细节的琐碎思考

与塔莉的相识改变了阿比盖尔，具体如何改变、改变成了什么样，体现了创作者的精妙、细腻构思。

日记的叙述始于当年一月一日，冬日严寒，早起洗土豆准备早饭，透过窗户见到冰霜大地，一天的劳作即将开始。这种生活在如今被称为“看得到头”，但却是阿比盖尔、塔莉们的普遍生活情形，无法改变、无从改变。尽管生活艰难贫乏，阿比盖尔的日记文笔却有她独有的细腻温暖（“奶牛没有受苦”），这种细腻温暖在遇上塔莉后，逐步从书面日记文本走出，体现在她的一举一动，到“惊喜”（astonishment and joy三连叹！）场面被释放到了极致。

关于这场“astonishment and joy”戏，导演想要表现一种初吻后的神情，至于如何演绎则完全取决于Katherine Waterston的演员自我修养。阿比盖尔在日记里自省时把不善言辞的自己比作缠绕生长于花盆的根茎（pot-bound root），极不善于表达对他人的喜爱。但与塔莉接吻后的阿比盖尔好像正在发生质变，如何体现这一质变？Katherine Waterston用半躺、舒展的身体语言诠释这个过程，花盆被打破，看不见的、压抑内心的（时代社会性别）系统制度不再（能）统治阿比盖尔的生活了，而这一切全凭她俩的情谊。从这场戏可知Katherine Waterston有内化剧作文本并将其外化于身体语言的表演能力，颇让人称奇！

KW即兴发挥的神来之笔

阿比盖尔日记自述

Mona Fastvold

Katherine Waterston

pot-bound root

1760 - 1856

由这场戏想到《女孩肖像》的篝火段落。篝火之后是初吻，而在这里，“惊喜”之前是初吻，或许可以这么说，篝火和惊喜的情境都是两人对爱情的终极确认，氛围神秘叵测、思绪魂牵梦萦，感染力和沉浸性直击灵魂。电影世界里近乎一个世纪的间隔，大西洋两岸见证了某种相似的爱情际遇。

经历完与塔莉的点点滴滴，阿比盖尔独自走上山坡（电影中是屋顶）眺望远方景色，想象、自省，对生活有了另一种态度，与开头“洗土豆”开始新一天不可同日而语，形成本质心态区别。这样的对比、变化也体现在农场日志从乏味的农业记录、夫妻生活，蜕变为情感满溢的自我发掘之旅。

日记开篇

日记结尾

阿比盖尔记得父亲对母亲毫无要求，除了……（大段大段的劳动、家务要求），但母亲从未出现在父亲的账簿中，除了母亲买裙子时。受邀去塔莉家吃饭，阿比盖尔专门去市场买了件蓝裙，这一行为意蕴颇深。情节铺垫和情绪烘托上，从买裙子开始就一步步进入了“悲伤”时间，节奏把控精准且冷酷。买裙子时看到周边的母亲抱着小孩，阿比盖尔心中被激起的涟漪体现在她躲闪的眼神；村庄农户家的女儿葬身火海，等于让她又经历了一次丧女之痛；剑拔弩张的邻居聚餐，回过头看，却成为与塔莉的在世永别……这组戏犹如三记重拳，连贯、高效、致命，看得人伤感之余不得不佩服创作者的高超手法。

观影时两个“笑点”，笑中带苦。初吻后，阿比盖尔沉浸在喜悦中无法自拔，好像失魂落魄的少女，等戴尔回家后才被拉回现实，（戴尔做完了他的工作，而阿比盖尔astonishment and joy了一天）这时都天黑了……一次亲热时，两人达成了美妙共识：我们的亲热放松身心，有利于农场发展……这两个场景再次放大了时代环境、自然环境对人的压迫，两个有趣的灵魂在夹缝中寻求解脱之道。

两处声音处理也让我印象深刻。第一次接吻时门廊上狗的踱步声、草丛依偎时的树枝掉落声。前者，两人间压抑情愫到达临界点时的紧张感被狗狗踱步声听觉化，后者，多是出于被发现的恐惧，而“被发现”本身也有较多指向，比如不好好关心农场事务，但首当其冲的还是“女同性恋”概念的隐秘和陌生，作为男性财产的女性进行这种恋爱的高风险性不言而喻。

四、唯爱永生

塔莉之死以及结局引发了不小的探讨，具体着眼于宗教神学内涵和悲剧性。原著和电影的宗教意味浓厚，除芬尼狂热阅读圣经和两个众人赶赴教堂做礼拜的全景镜头外，还表现在用词用典（“迟钝”、“法老的心”等等），以及宗教意义上的地狱、天堂、未来世界概念（“做礼拜”行为背后的理论基础）。然而塔莉的遭遇证明了这些构成“信仰”的要素并未赋予当时女性生活任何积极意义，反而成为恃强凌弱者的通行证，具有较强的讽刺意味。

从小说和电影所有的文字、影像能够看到的，是一个不再信奉宗教的女人和一个被男性以教义为法则迫害的女人互相帮助的悲哀故事，可以联想阿比盖尔提出的“在牢笼歌唱”，如果没有神学介入，这个时代的牢笼对塔莉们会是更好还是更差？这应是小说和电影提出的又一问题。这一问题的答案，可能在里维特探究18世纪《女教徒》跌宕命运时就被揭开、在欧洲启蒙运动时已有过系统论证。

电影最后让塔莉重新出场，提出了“想象”（imagination）的重要价值。前文认为塔莉的这次出场带来了积极向上的语境，因其构图的神学意义对应故事标题“The World to Come”包含了生者和复活的死者共同生活的圆满“未来世界”愿景。若从现实物质的方面考量，“想象”、“希望”这类飘忽的心理寄托式念想至多是困苦中的一丝慰藉，但也正是这种念想才不至于让她成为行尸走肉，所谓时代的微光。

优秀的艺术作品总有超越时代的能力。抚今追昔，人类发展已基本克服过去年代的致命白喉，然而宗教阴云的笼罩却从未消散。本片反映的女性生育义务、最近的《从不，很少，有时，总是》揭示当代女性堕胎身不由己，证明“未来世界”远未到来，2021年的现实能否完胜1856年的现实？这是电影留下的终极课题。

参考文献

1. Biennale Cinema 2020 - Press conferences (6 September 2020) //www.youtube.com/watch?v=QR-SuQHAMN8&list=WL&index=6&t=14073s

2. Rueda de prensa ''THE WORLD TO COME'' (Perlak) V.O. – 2020 //www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOalupYJAEc&list=WL&index=7

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4. 'The World to Come' Cast On Creating a Same-Sex Romance Set in a Time That Had No Words for It //www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeBQHFAHHIg&list=WL&index=4

5. 'The World to Come' Cast On Making A Movie About 'Vanished' Voices //www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYvjLKNcRY4&list=WL&index=3

6. Face2Face with Mona Fastvold - Director of The World To Come //www.youtube.com/watch?v=psJ9yjR-s0Y&list=WL&index=2

7. @Pincent 对《打开心世界》的短评 //www.douban.com/people/1692454/status/3284003482/

8. INTERVIEW WITH MONA FASTVOLD [DIRECTOR]: ‘THE WORLD TO COME’ – A CINEMATIC DANCE FOR THE IMAGINATION //www.theitalianreve.com/interview-with-mona-fastvold-director-the-world-to-come-a-cinematic-dance-for-the-imagination/

9. COVER STORY WITH KATHERINE WATERSTON: ‘THE WORLD TO COME’- THE RISK OF BEING WHO YOU ARE //www.theitalianreve.com/cover-story-with-katherine-waterston-the-world-to-come-the-risk-of-being-who-you-are/

10. 维基百科“路加福音”//zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/路加福音

11. 维基百科“创造亚当”//zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/創造亞當

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13. 维基文库 “聖經 (和合本)/路加福音” //zh.wikisource.org/wiki/聖經_(和合本)/路加福音

14. 光和盐 “Luke 24: 13~35 路加福音 第二十四章 13~35节” //sites.google.com/site/saltandlightenglishstudy/christianity/online-bible-study/bible-study-in-chinese/book-of-luke/luke-24-13-34

15. Katherine Waterston: ‘I would love to make this film five times’ //lwlies.com/interviews/katherine-waterston-the-world-to-come/

16. The World to Come (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) //www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_k57hlvte0&list=OLAK5uy_lBDBkNbo2dL-e4agr-yEie7SeTvHAhd00&index=22

17. THE WORLD TO COME | Official Trailer I Bleecker Street //www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhQu4tcHLeU&t=12s

18. Katherine Waterston - THE WORLD TO COME - 77 Venice Film Festival //www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfXkq2LG09Q

19. The World to Come - Sundance Film Festival 2021 //www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgKZ0JzWn04

20. Biennale Cinema 2020 - The World to Come (Red Carpet) //www.youtube.com/watch?v=o17FumD9Y7Y

21. Sundance Film Festival 2021 Q&A for The World to Come - festival.sundance.org //www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ0YQfU460g

22. Vanessa Kirby and Katherine Waterston on Their LGBTQ-Themed Period Drama ‘The World to Come’ //www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qrwAiLlQXc&list=WL&index=5

23. Vanessa Kirby & Katherine Waterston on Developing Voice and More in 'The World to Come' //www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkbYqsf0vcc&list=WL&index=3

24. Mona Fastvold, Vanessa Kirby, Katherine Waterston & Casey Affleck Talk 'The World to Come' //www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WqI9g99b_U&list=WL&index=2&t=14s

25. THE WORLD TO COME Interviews - Vanessa Kirby, Katherine Waterston, Christopher Abbott, Mona Fastvold //www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgUq41CuyRc&list=WL&index=1

26. 'The World to Come' star on complexity of portraying a 19th century lesbian romance //www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/world-come-star-complexity-portraying-19th-century-lesbian-romance-n1258007?cid=sm_npd_nn_fb_ma&fbclid=IwAR1Z2tI8VgUF1ocYyHyI_FRMoslR49FaW8wm1RE2kJMvBkegSsF6I0Wz6kE

27. New Frontiers - The Music of 'The World to Come' //www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGz6kQeACE

28. Q&A: Katherine Waterston Says All These Lesbian Period Dramas Indicate a ‘Problem, Not a Pattern’ //pridesource.com/article/qa-katherine-waterston-says-all-these-lesbian-period-dramas-indicate-a-problem-not-a-pattern/

29. Watch This One: Mona Fastvold’s Gay Romance ‘The World to Come’ Breaks Out Big at Venice //www.indiewire.com/2020/09/mona-fastvold-gay-romance-the-world-to-come-venice-2020-1234584778/

30. Love Thy Neighbor. //news.letterboxd.com/post/643224783909175296/love-thy-neighbor-mona-fastvold

31. Katherine Waterston On Her Queer Frontier Romance, ‘The World To Come’ //www.huffpost.com/entry/katherine-waterston-the-world-to-come-fantastic-beasts_n_6023e498c5b6c56a89a5d7c9

32. The World to Come Puts Queer Women's Emotional Journeys Front & Center //www.pride.com/movies/2021/2/12/world-come-puts-queer-womens-emotional-journeys-front-center?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=movies

33. THE WORLD TO COME | Scene at The Academy //www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdfXRR7RgEY&list=LL&index=4

34. In Conversation: The World to Come - PRESENTED BY GLAAD + OUTFEST //www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5pI0oO8wqc

这部片9分都不为过吧，编剧，导演（才35碎）），演员，台词，节奏，对那么晦涩文艺的原著短篇小说的改编，，，还有等等都不止8.1分吧，比卡罗尔落地，比菊石文艺，比烧女紧凑，觉得应该是姬片中的扛把子了，怎么会只有8.1分呢？还有哪个姬片里的两女主能如此般配到无与伦比天造地合，沃特斯特那么深情敏感，科比的层次感和性张力。还有哪个姬片里有同夫表达的那么真切的？一个包容传统一个暴虐自私，没有吧。。。剧情惨到极致的清教徒世界的女子怎么能盼到新世界的来临呢？苦逼到爆的片子，惨到不能刷两遍的片子，怎么能不炸裂整个姬圈？那么用的太多了，因为实在对8.1分看不下去了。致敬影片的所有工作者。

《打开心世界》。8分。

莫娜·法斯特欧德导演，凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿、凡妮莎·柯比主演作品。

这两位女神确实令卡西·阿弗莱克这样的大神都黯淡无光。

故事背景设置在19世纪美国的东北部，那是个冰冷的世界，所有人都在寻找温暖。

凯瑟琳饰演的艾比盖尔和丈夫经营着小农场，因为女儿的病逝，两人情感日渐疏远生活逐渐麻木；直到有一天凡妮莎饰演的塔利夫妇也来到了农场附近，他们的困扰在于塔利无法怀孕。两个在家庭中形同虚设的女人终于不出意外的走在了一起。

她们的友谊，她们的彼此照应，她们的相互疼痛，她们的纷纷情欲，终于在试探之后，打开了心世界。

我不能说这是一部了不得的佳作，但各方面都已经可以了，值得推荐。毕竟凡妮莎的身体不是那么容易看到的。

为什么姬片都得这么冷嗖嗖的？

除《菊石》外，又一部烧女图代餐.

烧女图

打开心世界

这么一看，烧女图确实牛，看过以后，残影还留在脑子里，从此以后每一部姬片都有了烧女图的影子.

自然光与烛火打光，油画般的画面，人物内心汹涌的情感，克制的配乐，文学化的感情处理，啊这就是烧女图套餐定制啊！

而我就想问！

为什么！

为什么每部姬片都这么冷嗖嗖！！

越看越冷！一边看一边裹紧了我的小被子！

《烧女图》里，法国孤岛的风，吹得女主角们嘴唇都白了！穿堂吹过空旷的城堡，石墙木门都感觉冰冰凉！

《菊石》里，英格兰海岸冰冷潮湿的礁石，阴沉沉地拖拽着女主角的厚裙子！我甚至都感觉她的鞋袜里全是盐水和冰渣！看她徒手去扣被冰水冲刷过的菊石，我瑟瑟发抖脑门都觉得凉！

《打开心世界》里，开篇女主角就说自己早上洗土豆，洗完表面都覆盖着冰！我要窒息了！！啥呀这也太冷了！然后暴风雪哗哗刮，肆虐得我耳根疼，好不容易到了五月，他们还要讨论被冻死掉的可怜狗狗！！！

窒息了！

为什么你们的恋爱都这么冷嗖嗖！！

为什么姬片不拍个夏天在意大利小镇充满桃子香气的爱情故事啊！！

这些姬片一开始就色调低沉，阴冷潮湿，仿佛一开始就昭示着故事的悲剧基调…

然而从女性主义视角看，旧时代女性爱情故事本来注定就只能个悲剧.

累了，

太冷了，

想看暖洋洋的爱情故事

今天有机会在圣丹斯电影节线上观看了去年在威尼斯影展获得酷儿狮奖的《打开心世界》，导演是指导了《梦游者》的 莫娜·法斯特欧德，摄影师是 André Chemetoff, 16mm胶片拍摄。有趣的一点是，在近些年在各大电影节，较年轻的导演开始青睐胶片拍摄，很多独立电影也开始重回35毫米、16毫米胶片，是让人感到惊喜的地方。

看完《打开心世界》，发现有很多可以延伸探讨的地方。可能最直观的就是摄影了。虽然故事是发生在19世纪的纽约州北部，但是实际拍摄却是在罗马尼亚的布加勒斯特完成，严寒的背景和16毫米胶片浑然天成般完美地契合在一起，使得影幕上的胶片颗粒（Film Grain）、背景中的暴风雪如此美丽、赏心悦目。剧组对于光的把控也恰到好处，以至于屏幕上影像如此美轮美奂。

剧本的角度说，电影《打开心世界》是改编自美国作家 Jim Shepard 的同名短篇小说 《打开心世界》（收录于短篇小说集《打开心世界》），他自己本人也参与了电影的改编编剧。在此基础上，《打开心世界》的文本性很强，全片几乎都是由主角阿比盖尔写的日记的旁白来推动时间和剧情发展，整体下来效果还是不错的，强文本性和故事以及故事背景结合得恰到好处。Jim Shepard 的短篇小说中喜欢承载历史以及历史上发生过的不幸的事 -- 比如本片中多次提及的疾病白喉就曾在19世纪末在欧洲和美国爆发过。

从结构来讲，由主角的日记旁白来串联时间点，整体的立意在我看来并不侧重于女性之间的恋情，而重点刻画在那个时间背景（19世纪末）下，女人受到来自婚姻、家庭、丈夫，以及社会的压迫，还有道德上的压力。其实纵观全片，可以发现很多导演“埋”下的细节和伏笔：比如当阿比盖尔和塔莉第一场亲热戏，突然门口的一个小动静就能让阿比盖尔吓一大跳 -- 因为她害怕是她的丈夫回家了；在树林里时，远处一个响声吓坏了两人。这些埋下的细节无不体现出19世纪末下女人深深受制于丈夫（男权）以及很难选择过自己真正向往的生活。

其实近些年出现许多优秀的女同题材影片，很多也在三大电影节大放异彩：《卡罗尔》《燃烧女子的肖像》《菊石》等等。《打开心世界》打动我的，并不在于它如何描绘两人在严寒荒凉的平原摩擦出爱情的火花，而是创作者如何让19世纪背景下的角色“亲口”发出女权般的提问，两人如何在如此稀薄的缝隙下相互扶持以忍受不幸福但却无法改变的婚姻。

《打开心世界》剧照。

当然，《打开心世界》不是一部完美的影片。如果说后半段节奏过于缓慢并不是缺点的话，那么主角阿比盖尔和塔莉之间的感情线还可以再进一步描绘和渲染，除了婚姻的压迫，其实将感情线略微着重突出也是不错的选择。两位女主角 凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿 和 凡妮莎·柯比 的表演都很出色，尤其是凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿 （因为承接了更重的戏份），凡妮莎·柯比 在去年的威尼斯影展凭借另一部电影《女人的碎片》荣获影后。导演莫娜·法斯特欧德今年只有35岁，未来可期。

如果你期待观看一部用胶片拍摄的女性电影，那么《打开心世界》是一个不错的选择！

02/02/21

写于芝加哥

如果喜欢我写的影评，可以关注我的公众号：Andysspace, 谢谢！

Tuesday, January 1st, 1856.

Fair and very cold.

This morning,

ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter.

The water froze on the potatoes

as soon as they were washed.

With little pride, and less hope,

we begin the new year.

On the porch after sunup,

I could hear the low chirping of sparrows

in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow.

Dyer has maintained that with good health,

and a level head,

there is always an excellent chance

for a farmer willing to work.

He feels he can never fully rid himself of his burdens.

And I'm certain that because his mind is in such a bad state,

it affects his whole system.

He told me this morning

that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see.

You're late with the milking.

She wasn't suffering.

And you?

Since our acquisition of this farm,

my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole.

This way he knows what each crop

and field pays from year to year.

And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters

that might otherwise go overlooked...

From tools lent out to bills outstanding.

That I have done.

But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages

of the most passionate circumstances

of our seasons past.

No record of our emotions or fears.

Our greatest joys.

Our most piercing sorrows.

With our child,

it was as if I'd found my bearings.

But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure.

Would you like to try?

Like this, papa?

That's it.

She often seemed separate from us,

as if she was working at just fitting in where she could.

They saw his brothers and sisters

and they were the mouse's family...

There is something so affecting

about mute and motionless grief and illness

in a child so young.

She put her arms around me and said nothing else.

But it felt like we were speaking.

I have become my grief.

I have become my grief.

"Welcome sweet day of rest",

says the hymn.

And Sunday is most welcome for its few hours of quiet ease.

As for me.

I no longer attend.

After the calamity of Nellie's loss,

what calm I enjoy

does not derive from the notion of a better world to come.

I want to purchase an atlas.

- It could be a bother. - No, no. No bother.

Who is that?

His name is Finney.

- His wife Tallie. - Hyah!

I met them at the feed store.

They seem to keep to themselves.

They're renting the Zebrun farm.

Monday, February 4th.

Why is ink like fire?

Because it is a good servant,

and a hard master.

Did you say something?

I want to purchase an atlas.

I suppose there are more frivolous purchases

one could make.

I've saved 90 cents of my own.

I can't imagine a better way to spend it.

Could buy your husband a gift.

What better gift could I give him

than a wife who is no longer a dullard?

My self-education

seems the only way to keep my unhappiness

from overwhelming me.

Good afternoon.

I've been using a broom on my porch.

The snow is so dry.

I'm Tallie.

Abigail.

I hope I'm not intruding.

No.

I just, I needed to get away for the day.

The farm is a slaughterhouse right now.

My husband is killing his hogs.

Would you like to come in?

Yes, I'd love that.

Or we could just stay out on the porch, shivering.

I know it's the dullest of all things

to have an ignorant neighbor come by

and spoil a Sunday afternoon.

Oh, no, you're the most welcome here.

But I know the feeling.

Sometimes, I imagine during the Widow Weldon's visits

that I've been plunged up to my eyes in a vat of the prosaic.

Oh, Widow Weldon!

She got going on the county levy once...

She saw I had noticed her hair,

and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl.

She said that back then, she'd worn it longer

and plaited in a bun at the back of her head.

In the winter sun through the window,

her skin had an underflush of rose and violet

which so disconcerted me that I had to look away.

As always,

when it came to speaking

and attempting to engage another's affections,

circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety.

From my earliest youth, I was like a pot-bound root,

all curled in upon itself.

I hope I'm not keeping you from something.

No.

I'm glad you've come.

Finney saw your husband at the cooperage.

He mentioned his new method for farrowing his piglets.

With some asperity?

My husband mentions everything with some asperity.

I told him that once,

and...

he observed in response that it seemed to be quite a favor

to get a kind word from me.

And I told him that if he was married to himself,

he'd soon find out what a favor it was.

My mother always said that having children

would resolve that dilemma.

My mother made the same claim.

And yet...

Here we are...

Both childless.

My daughter, Nellie, would have been five today.

Oh.

How did she pass?

Diphtheria.

Last September.

I'm so sorry.

- Hello. - Oh.

Good afternoon.

I'm Dyer.

Tallie.

Oh, it's late, isn't it? I should be getting on.

Don't go on my account.

Oh, no.

That's a nice wrap you have.

Thank you.

I never receive compliments for my clothes.

I'm so glad you've come.

Meeting you has made my day.

It has?

Well...

How pleasant and uncommon it is to make someone's day.

Thursday, February 14th.

Dyer's third night with the fever.

Drink this.

I plan on getting sick more often.

My wife smiles at me.

Promise me you're not gonna die.

That would be the opposite of my intention.

I've restored him somewhat

with an enema of molasses,

warm water and lard.

Also a drop of turpentine next to his nose.

I spent the day reconsidering my conversation with Tallie.

We compared childhood beds...

Mine in which the straw

was always breaking up and thinning out.

And hers, which was as hard, she claimed,

as the Pharaoh's heart.

I should be taking care of you.

I agree.

Her manner is sweet and calm and gracious.

And yet her spirits seem to quicken

at the prospect of further conversation with me.

I find that everything I wish to tell her

loses its eloquence in her presence.

So how did you come to meet Dyer?

He was the oldest son of a neighbor.

He helped out on my father's farm.

And was he instantly smitten by you?

He was, wasn't he?

He was instantly smitten by you.

He admired what he viewed as my practical good sense.

You don't countenance words like "smitten", do you?

I suspect I use all the same words you do.

I suspect you don't.

In speech, yes, because you're shy.

But I bet you're more accomplished in your writing.

Thank you.

Your good sense, that's all your husband was smitten with?

And my efficient habits.

That's all?

My handy ways.

Dyer likes mechanical things.

I have no doubt he would've been happier

had he been allowed to pursue

the natural scientific bent of his mind.

Circumstances forced him into farming.

And despite all of that, his heart compelled him to you?

Well...

You would have to ask him about that.

And what would you say if I asked you?

I suppose that as a suitor, he was...

not generous, but he was just.

And that he was affectionate, if not constant.

I wasn't sure of his suitability.

But my family felt that more improving

might be in the offing.

After all, it is a long lane that has no turning.

You both have much to be thankful for.

We do.

It's still too soon.

Sorry.

Tuesday, February 19th.

My reluctance seems to have become his shame.

His nighttime pleasures, which were never numerous,

have curtailed even more.

And I have so far refused to engage his persistence

on the subject of another child.

Evening.

This is my husband Finney.

And you already know Dyer.

Our paths have crossed.

And this is the Abigail that I've been mentioning.

My wife talks about you as if you're all about the house,

and everything reminds her of you.

Oh, well, it's all I can do but sit cross-legged and morose

whenever she's away.

- Come in. - Thank you.

The rain so heavy that it broke down our mill.

Did you miss me?

Yes.

You look different.

No...

Finney seems agreeable.

Yes, he is, when he chooses to be.

I guess I'm supposed to offer a toast.

But when it comes to the social graces,

I'm about as smooth as coming down a rocky hill in the dark.

What my husband means is he's so happy

to finally get together,

and to see Dyer again.

Cheers.

Part of what I value about my wife

is how she taught me to associate with my fellow beings.

Finney, that's a handsome neck tie you've chosen.

Thank you.

But with my neck,

my head sticks out like a chicken in a poultry wagon.

Your tart was wonderfully savory.

Oh, did you like it? I'm so glad.

I was worried I wouldn't have enough eggs

- because we had an accident. - Oh.

My hired hand pulled down a box of eggs and broke two dozen.

I announced that he was unlucky to eggs

and no longer allowed to approach them.

"Unlucky to eggs." I like that.

I told him that his shirt had so many holes,

he can make a necklace of it.

Well, we often wish we could afford a hired hand.

We've suffered a great deal from the carelessness of hired hands.

Mr. Holt's hired hand is said to have swum his horse

over the canal despite the cold.

Really?

Yes.

Winter's been so hard,

sometimes Mrs. Weldon's son

has had to deliver the mail on skis.

Now our letters can get lost at breakneck speed.

Did you write letters to Tallie when you were courting?

I did.

And did Tallie keep them?

Only Tallie knows for sure.

Monday, February 25th.

Finney and Tallie's bond confounds me.

At times, when their eyes meet,

they seem yoked in opposition to one another,

while at other times, there seems a shared regard.

There is something going on between us

that I cannot unravel.

Hold this here.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hello, Dyer.

Well, hello.

You're off?

Yes, to town.

Have a good day.

She'll be pleased to see you.

Happy birthday!

Brought you some things.

Hand-knitted?

I hoped you'd like them.

I do.

An Atlas!

The United States of America.

Oh and a little pot of apple sauce with an egg on top.

My feet are freezing.

Oh, let me warm them.

How's Finney?

He's Finney.

Ah, it tickles.

My husband records trespassers in his journals.

And this morning, when I asked him

what he intends to do about them,

his response was so unpleasant that I...

resolved to visit you...

so that there would be something in my day

other than his meanness.

Dyer thinks he has many estimable qualities.

He does.

And he also uses a ledger to keep accounting of whom I visit

and how long I stay.

Why?

I have no idea.

As he's gotten more like this,

I've given up trying to figure out

all the peculiarities of his...

odd little world.

I suppose he's especially unhappy with me since...

I'm yet to give him a child.

What does it feel like?

Like nothing at first.

But then when she began to stir...

it's like butterflies flapping their wings.

Later, like a rabbit...

when she kicked her legs at night.

It frightens me.

The thought of having none of that.

And of giving birth.

Most of us feel that way.

But...

when the time comes, I will be there...

to guide you through it.

Dyer must want another child.

I understand.

Birthday gifts.

A box of raisins.

That needle case you've been needing.

And a tin of sardines.

You spoil me.

Oh, you got gifts from your new friend.

She left hours ago.

I just saw her leave.

The great storm began

with a faint groaning in the northeast.

It was like a noise of a locomotive.

Help!

Come closer, girl.

It's warmer over here.

I'm sorry, I'll be going.

You should wait it out.

Come on, mare.

Dyer!

Dyer!

Dyer!

How long would it be before I receive word of Tallie?

How long could I wait?

How long will the feed in the barn last?

Each cow eats 26 pounds of forage every day.

You should know that.

They start to skinny down after three days.

Heard the newspaper predicts the storm'll let up by then.

But that's probably based on

an expert's consultation of a goose bone.

"In a real crisis of nature, we're all at another's mercy."

Yes.

My mother liked to say,

"We tumble from one mortification to another."

When I was seven, an earthquake knocked down our house and barn.

Did I tell you?

Never.

- An earthquake? - Yes.

I remember something woke me before dawn.

I don't know what.

My father was calling out.

But I couldn't tear myself away from the window.

I saw birds fluttering in the air, afraid to set down.

The river was roiling, and I couldn't move.

And then...

Finally, I jumped down to our collapsed stairwell,

as all my brothers had done before me.

And we all huddled together in the dark on the porch.

Later, my mother said

that the dread never fully went away after that.

She said, "What was safe if the solid earth could do that?"

Mother.

Tallie! You're frozen!

Tallie! Stay awake! Stay awake!

Open your eyes! Open your eyes!

Keep your eyes open!

Keep your eyes open!

Look at me.

I would die without you.

Then you're safe.

Because I am here.

Monday, March 17th.

Half the chickens are lost.

I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths

in an attempt to revive them.

Hobnails...

For better traction.

The Widow Weldon's son, on his rounds,

reported that Tallie had gotten home safely,

with, he thought, only a bit of frostbite.

We haven't seen your friend down the lane for a while.

Finney took her to Oneonta.

So everything is tedious and lonesome?

Thursday, April 10th.

Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast.

Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens

with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw.

It always seems that Tallie will never appear.

But I remind myself that time and the needle wear

through the longest morning.

And I have noted that when she does arrive,

my heart is like a leaf borne over a rock

by rapidly moving water.

Hello. Oh!

Oh! Careful.

Stay. Sit, sit.

Saturday, April 12th.

- I spent the last two days... - Very damp, cloudy and cool.

Smoky.

Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire.

Your nose is being gracious.

Monday, April 14th.

A terribly bad spring so far,

but the clover has come up through it,

and is all right.

And how's Finney?

The soul of patience.

He's mentioning again the idea of migrating west.

You're planning on moving west?

Perhaps.

I had an uncle who moved to Ohio and came to a desperate end.

Which is what one might expect from Ohio.

- Tomorrow? - Hm.

Thursday, April 17th.

Rain in torrents nearly all night.

The lane is flooded and the ditches brim full.

This morning, only a slight shower.

Tallie came later than her usual time today.

She offered no explanation.

I'm sorry that your childhood was anything less than joyous.

Joyous it was not.

But I made my own happinesses.

My husband says, "God puts heavy stones in your path,

it's up to us to step over them."

Stones are what the fortunate receive.

My mother's mother was born in 1780

right here in Schoharie County.

I often wonder at the courage

and the resourcefulness of those women.

Imagine faring forth into a wilderness,

hoping to build the foundations of a home.

Maybe they had a certain high hopefulness that we don't have.

When can you come?

Tuesday.

- Hello, Tallie! - Good day.

Was your afternoon gladsome?

Yes, it was, very.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

I felt,

looking at her expression,

as if she were in full sail on a flood tide,

while I bobbed along down backwards.

And yet,

I never say on her countenance the indifference

of fortunate towards the less fortunate.

Good day.

Good day.

Are you sick, too?

Not at all.

I was hoping to compare colds.

I'll make you tea and honey?

What?

Every morning I wake up

and I think that I never want to be far from you.

And under your influence, since you're so good with words,

I've composed a poem.

It's entitled...

"Oh, Sick and Miserable Heart, Be Still."

When I was a little girl,

I thought I could cultivate my intellect

and do something for the world.

But my life has surprised me by being far more ordinary.

You're talking about that moment

that I have dreamed about, when we're carried in triumph

for having done something wonderful or received at home

with tears and shouts of joy.

Do you know what I wonder?

Is it possible...

that such a moment hasn't yet come for either of us?

I think it has.

Or that it could.

You do.

So what do you think?

What do you think about us?

I don't know how to put it into words.

Well, try.

- I have tried. - Well, try again.

What do you imagine?

I imagine that I love

how our encircling feelings leave nothing out...

for us to want or seek.

I've presumed too much.

It's been my experience that it's not always those

who show the least who actually feel the least.

Just my dog's toenails on the wood.

Why didn't you do what you attempted to do?

I worry you'll catch my cold.

You smell like a biscuit.

I have to go home.

Astonishment and joy.

Astonishment and joy.

Astonishment and joy.

You haven't accomplished any of your responsibilities.

- Do you need assistance? - No, I don't think so.

So it's a cold plate for supper tonight?

I'll milk the cows.

Friday, May 30th.

The sunshine streaming through the branches

makes a tremendous farrago of light and shade.

We hold our friendship between us and study it,

as if it were the incomplete map of our escape.

When the day is done,

my mind turns to her,

and I think, with a special heat,

"Why are we to be separated?"

Your smile stopped. Is it meant for someone else?

Sorry, my mind was elsewhere.

We need calico and buttons and shoe thread.

Am I troubling you, sitting here with you like this?

Not at all.

I may be late coming to it,

but I've learned consideration of others.

I've learned the need for human sympathy

and the unfulfilled want of it.

I feel I've provided you with sympathy.

I suppose that's so.

The smile returns.

Good day.

Oh.

I believe that intimacy increases goodwill.

And if that's the case,

then every minute we spend together

will make us more cheerful workers.

Won't our farms benefit from that?

Won't our husbands?

All our burdens will be lightened.

When she left, I was like a skiff at sea

with neither hand nor helm to guide it.

They're cleaning out the drain under the street along the fork.

And several people are down with fever.

Holt came by to hang the bacon.

He still hasn't recovered from being beaten by two strangers.

He had to be hauled to his home in his cart.

He said the men who did it were gonna kill him,

and then realized they were mistaken as to who he was.

Lately, it seems like all you talk about

are highwaymen and house breakers.

On the contrary,

I often defer to your sensitivities.

And I haven't even told you about

all the reports in the county of men

who've poisoned and killed their wives

because I haven't found it a fitting subject for supper.

"Killed their wives," he used those words?

Mm-hm. those words.

Have you had any disagreements?

Yes, about my wifely duties.

I told him that I was opposed to it, that I was not willing.

And he accepted that?

Well, he hasn't touched me since, so...

But I made myself feel better...

by composing a poem.

Can I read you the opening stanza?

You can read me the entire poem.

No, I'll start with the opening stanza.

"I love flowering gardens.

I love creeping plants.

I love walking in the air,

but I fear swarming ants."

I don't think I can support the rhyme.

You see why I didn't read the whole thing?

I'm sorry.

I've always been contrary and maladroit.

Earlier, I... I felt that...

whenever I would draw close to you, you would retreat,

and that, if I kept still, you would return

but you'd stay at a distance, like those sparrows

that stay in the farmyard and won't come into the house.

- That's not how I feel. - How do you feel, then?

When I was in school,

the teacher had me read "Cordelia"

to an older boy's "King Lear."

Near the end of the play,

the king and his daughter are imprisoned,

but he views it in a positive way.

"Come, let's away to prison," he says.

"We two alone shall sing like birds in a cage."

Imprisoned...

In a positive way?

Well, maybe that one has to read the entire play.

It may be only in plays where people

are imprisoned in a positive way.

You don't think there's a cage that could work to our benefit?

I just...

I only know that...

I've never liked cages.

I hope you had a good afternoon in Shangri-La or Timbuktu,

wherever it is you've been.

I had a busy afternoon, yes.

I would think.

Five hours you've been gone.

I went to the drapers.

I couldn't find anything I liked.

Then I stopped by the tinker for a sack of coffee,

but he's now asking 60 cents, and I only had 50.

Then I thought I would buy you a treat of some kind,

but Mr. Arnolds reminded me

that I still owed for my last transactions so...

I was forced to close up my purse.

Tell me everything about your day.

Don't hold anything back.

You're not interested in how your wife spends her time.

I don't feel I have a wife.

I feel I have a selfish whore who...

who'd rather wander off to another man's house

than contribute any labor.

Well, Dyer was off in the fields,

and her house is on the way back home, so...

So it's just Abigail and you

tittering and gossiping away the hours?

Enjoying each other's company.

I have certain expectations, and you have certain duties.

We've talked all night and day about your expectations.

I will not stay with a woman

if it continually requires contention.

Well, then you shouldn't stay with me, should you?

Don't ask for more than you can handle.

Sunday, June 8th.

All afternoon, a hawk has been using a single cloud above us

as its own parasol.

To ward off others of its kind.

Our whole house now seems both angry and repentant.

God help us.

When three days went by without a word from her,

I stole over to her house to look on her

from what I imagined to be

a vantage point of perfect safety.

By turning the lens piece, I could draw her face nearer,

and hold it there until she turned away.

Her image provoked a sensation in me

like the violence that sends a floating branch

far out over a waterfall's precipice

before it plummets.

"For the wife does not have the authority over her own body,

but the husband does.

Do not deprive one another,

so that Satan may not tempt you

because of your lack of self-control."

Ephesians 5:33. "Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord..."

Monday, June 9th.

Merciful father...

Turn the channel of events.

Wednesday, June 11th.

Dyer has been silent all day,

and I was happy to be left in my solitude.

Hello!

Tallie...

We haven't seen you for days.

Have you been ill?

- Nothing serious, I hope. - Ho!

She's been under the weather.

- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.

We want to invite you to dinner again this Saturday next.

But it's our turn. We should be feasting you.

In the meantime, please be our guests.

We'd love to.

Six?

- Six it is. - Hup!

My mother once told me in a fury

when I was a little girl

that my father asked nothing of her

except that she work in the garden,

harvest the produce, preserve the fruit,

tend the poultry, milk the cows,

manage the household duties,

and help out in the fields when needed.

She said she appeared in his ledger

only when she purchased a dress.

Am I anywhere in there?

I'm recording spring expenses.

And how have things changed?

Daughters are married off so young

that everywhere you look a slender and unwilling girl

is being forced to stem a sea of tribulations

before she is even full-grown in height.

That's its purpose!

Come on. Come on.

Morning.

Morning, Jim.

Morning, ma'am.

I've got a new book for you.

Do you know, I'd actually like to see

that blue dress you have there.

All right, lady.

Over here!

It's two and a half.

I'll take it.

My change?

Thank you.

The Mannings' oldest daughter tipped over an oil lamp

and it set the house ablaze.

- Fire! - Ho! Ho!

- Fire! - Before she was driven

from the house by the flames,

she heard calls from her sister,

who was trapped in the upper loft.

Get her out of there.

Cassie!

Get her out!

Get her out!

Your wife is to be commended on her hospitality and cooking.

I can recall the day...

No, thank you.

...when every family was fed, clothed, shot, sheltered,

and warmed from the products a good wife

gathered within her own fence line.

I heard down by the loggers that Mrs. Mannings' oldest

got fiercely burned in the house fire.

- Cassie. - And died.

Yes, she did.

Well, as my father used to say,

"The supreme disposer of all events

does sometimes disappoint our earthly hopes."

What a marvelous hanging lamp.

Finney purchased it so that everyone could read

with equal ease around the room.

I wasn't brought up to read over much,

but I do believe a father should give his children

every chance to improve.

Children being a sore point in this household.

And yours, I'd expect.

You'll have to forgive my husband.

Even so,

whatever misfortunes arrive at my doorstep,

I seek to improve my lot with my own industry.

I...

I study my options closely,

and just attend to everything with more vehemence.

Well, then you should be commended for that.

I'll give you an example.

When I first began farming,

I was so vexed at my own inability

to stop my dogs barking

that one January, during a storm,

I held the dog around the corner of the barn in a gale

until it froze to death.

I nearly froze to death myself, at least froze my hands,

even with my heavy work gloves.

That is reprehensible.

Did I see outside that you use an old shovel plow?

Well, since you're interested in my machinery,

I have a hinged harrow that's been giving me trouble.

The spikes catch the rocks and roots, and they break off.

Well, our harrow has upright discs.

Work better?

Yeah, it seems to.

Bring the desserts.

I think we're stuffed.

My husband insists on his pastries

and preserved fruits and creams.

Well, good.

What is happening?

Are you in danger?

What happened to your neck?

No, I just took a fall over a fence.

I hadn't heard.

There are many things about which you haven't heard.

Back at the table,

Tallie kept strict custody of her eyes.

Her husband's mood seemed to have darkened.

He served the pastries and creams himself,

leaving only her plate empty.

Saturday, June 21st.

My heart a maelstrom.

My head a bedlam.

A whole week and no visit from Tallie.

No word.

My anxieties often force me to stop my work

and pace the house like an inmate.

I have to see her.

Ho, ho!

Tallie! Tallie!

What has happened?

They're gone.

And no goodbye?

We need to call the sheriff.

And report what exactly? That our neighbors moved?

It's the Zebrun farm. They were renting.

I'll go then.

For what reason?

There's blood!

And you never had an accident?

So we'll just do nothing?

I'll make the rounds of the neighbors.

And if we are not satisfied,

we can take your fears to the sheriff.

Thank you.

Monday, June 23rd.

Dyer said Mrs. Nottoway recalled spotting their caravan

on the country road in the late evening, heading northwest.

Mrs. Nottoway?

She believed she spied Tallie's figure

alongside her husband's but was unsure.

A hired hand, she thought, was driving the second wagon.

Sunday, June 29th

I spotted the sheriff on his way to church.

I conveyed my accusations, to no response.

Dyer said that no one would investigate a crime

without evidence that a crime had been committed.

Calm myself?

I refused to calm myself,

so he tied me to a chair and administered laudanum.

Monday, June 30th.

Bleary and short of breath from the laudanum...

I wake weeping,

retire weeping,

stand before my duties weeping.

Sunday, July 6th.

I am a library without books,

a sea of fear, agitation and want.

Dyer speaks of how much we have for which to be grateful.

I sit violently conscious of the ticking clock

while he weeps at what he imagines

to be his own poor, forgotten self.

Wednesday, July 9th.

Despite some hours without the laudanum,

I was so befogged and wild with grief

that Dyer left me for the afternoon,

unsettled and wary of my state.

Tuesday, July 22nd.

- Weldon? - Good day.

The renters at Zebrun's farm are gone.

Did they leave a forwarding address?

No. You've got a letter.

Hyah.

Is it from her?

It is.

- Oh. - Origin?

Onondaga County. Do you know it?

It's north of Syracuse.

Are you gonna read it?

To myself.

Abigail, Abigail, Abigail.

I'm sorry that all I have to send you is this letter,

and I'm sorry for all that a letter cannot be.

Even the best letter is just a little bit of someone.

I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye,

and I'm sorry that we seem to have traded

one sort of misery for another.

It turns out that houses deep in the backwoods

always seem to be awful and unnatural in their loneliness.

If there were only a ruined abbey

around here with bats in it, the view would be perfect.

Our roof is ramshackle and sheds water nicely in dry weather

but we have to spread milk pans around the floor when it rains.

Still, outside the kitchen,

there are already anemones and heart's-ease,

and even prettier flowers which my stupidity

keeps me from naming for you.

I believe I've enjoyed myself less these last few weeks

than any other female who ever lived.

During what little time I have to myself,

Finney reads aloud instructions for wives

from the Old Testament.

But when it comes to the Bible,

I have to say that there are a lot of passages

he may know word for word,

but which haven't touched his heart.

I can't account for his state of mind except to say

that my company must be intensely disagreeable to him.

And if that's the case,

I'm sorry for it.

Ho...

Good afternoon!

Afternoon.

Whoa.

Hey.

I've got something for you.

There you go.

Thank you.

Good day.

Hyah. Come on.

- Is it for me? - From Schoharie County.

- Your Abigail. - Give that to me.

Give it. Finney, give...

Finney!

"What's to become of the thousands of our sex

scattered out in the wilderness

and obliged to tax our strengths?

I feel as if, at that selfsame hour

when our prospects were brightest,

that in the dim distance a black shadow approached.

And yet still,

imagine the happiest of unions for us of the sort

in which two families previously at daggers drawn

are miraculously brought together on love's account.

It is your face I bear through the night.

It is to you I devote a dreaming space

before I turn myself to sleep, but there is no sleep.

It's as if within me everything clamors for air,

and I think if it's like this now,

what will it be like later?

I send you what love and support I can.

I send you all my heart's hopes. Abigail."

Please know that force alone

couldn't have gotten me here to a place like this.

I was told I had to act in support of interest,

happiness and the reputation of someone I once loved.

As far as I can figure,

we're now still only about 85 miles apart.

But of course,

people like us don't go on long visits.

Dyer refused first to permit my departure,

and then to accompany me,

and only caught up to the cart

at the end of our property and climbed aboard.

We were the very picture of anguish,

rattling along side by side.

The night was fair and warm with the appearance of a coming rain.

A shower.

It's so hard to write about

how much I want to thank you,

but I have to start somewhere.

Abigail...

I want to tell you that being with you, even alone,

has been like being a part of the biggest

and most spacious community I could ever imagine.

I feel closer to you than I would a sister since

everything amazing that I feel,

I chose to feel.

And do you know what memory it is that I most cherish?

It's of you turning to me with that smile you gave me

once you realized that you were loved.

I have no way of knowing what is to come,

but I do know that all of the trust

and care and courage we shared,

that will all shine on us

and protect us.

You are my city of joy.

You are my city of joy.

Whoa.

Might I ask your business?

We've come to see Tallie. Where is she?

I heard you on the road.

You made such a racket. I took you for the tin knocker.

We've ridden for three days.

We are not leaving without seeing her.

I'm not concerned with what you will or will not leave without.

Keep a civil tongue, friend.

Where is she?

I treated her with tea of soot

and pine-tree root to good effect,

but sickness always tests our willingness

to bow before the greatest authority.

My guess is that it was diphtheria.

No!

There is some alienation from marital...

What time is it?

I don't care.

- I have to go. - You're gonna make a mark.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Sunday, August 31st.

Weather very hot and sunny.

I cleaned out the shed

which was full of rusty and dusty rubbish,

washed the windows,

and preserved apples for the winter.

Fourteen dollars from the sale of our milk and butter.

I have cut my hand with a paring knife.

I console myself with the conviction

that someday in the future when Dyer

is forced to travel to Syracuse for feed or supplies,

I will join him,

and take his rifle and go to Skaneateles

and kill Finney where he sits.

Dyer has been at work on the barn.

Each day, we enact our separation.

Sometimes after it gets dark,

we walk over the hills across our upper fields

for the wide, wide view.

And Dyer tries to imagine us as we were,

while I try to imagine Tallie

and that cordial and accepting home

that existed solely in our dreams.

I imagine Tallie and Nellie somewhere together,

and Nellie running her brush through Tallie's hair.

I imagine banishing forever those sentiments of my own

that she chastened and refined.

I imagine resolving to do what I can for Dyer.

And I imagine continuing to write in this ledger,

here,

as though this was my life.

As though my life was not elsewhere.

I've always feared that I would bring misfortune

to those I loved.

Are you really saying nothing to that?

I don't know where to start.

I can't imagine what more we could do for one another...

with our constraints.

You can't?

I can't.

You can't?

Well, then...

It's a good thing we remember that our imaginations

can always be cultivated.